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Hope
I realized it was me. I was the one that had the problem. That was the first step in getting the help that I needed.
"I was trying to fix the hurts that were in my life by just numbing them. It wasn’t working. I knew something was wrong because I was ready to kill myself."
"I am so happy that I can be the mother that my daughter deserves."
I injected it intravenously. But by the time I was using meth amphetamine, I was willing to do whatever I had to do, um, for, for the dope
"I was taking ecstasy, cocaine, pain killers or whatever it took just to feel numb."
.....that’s when I began to take the pain medication to numb the hurt on the inside.
I didn’t realize that I was chosen until recently, really. When I really learned what it meant to be adopted into God’s family I made the connection of how much my parents really chose me and wanted me.
I completely gave in to the depression and I gave into the addiction. I became homeless. I lost custody of my sons. It was then that I cried out to the Lord.
That night I was gang raped by five men. I was so ashamed and so embarrassed. I felt like it was my fault. I blamed myself and I didn’t want to tell anyone.
So, I had a glass of wine and I got a buzz. I thought; “This is pretty good.” I was immediately addicted.
"I would stab myself with a sewing needle. Or any kind of needle. Just to feel that pain. To know, you're still here. You're still human. You're still alive in some way. To make that pain, just show what I felt on the inside....