Find
Hope
"I would stab myself with a sewing needle. Or any kind of needle. Just to feel that pain. To know, you're still here. You're still human. You're still alive in some way. To make that pain, just show what I felt on the inside....
I didn’t realize that I was chosen until recently, really. When I really learned what it meant to be adopted into God’s family I made the connection of how much my parents really chose me and wanted me.
.....that’s when I began to take the pain medication to numb the hurt on the inside.
"I was taking ecstasy, cocaine, pain killers or whatever it took just to feel numb."
There’s some sort of hole in your heart that you're still trying to get filled. You wish your Dad had said some wonderful things.
Where I’d prayed for everyone else for so long... I had ignored the fact that I did need God.
I haven’t dated that much, but with my first boyfriend, I just didn’t really hold that much of standards for myself. So I allowed myself to be verbally abused. I allowed him to talk down to me.
"She went to the doctor for a sports physical. While there she was asked if she was sexually active. She said; “Yes.” She panicked and froze. Stuff hit the fan."
She later told that she was thinking about suicide, and that it was my simple hello that had let her know that she was alive.
I didn’t know if God loved me. I was just so desperate. I started to try to find my identity in relationships with guys.