Find
Hope
Really, I wanted to die. I was doing all the things that were killing me anyway. I had so much pain, hurt, and hatred I didn’t know how to process any of it.
I had a big head and a big attitude to go along with it. I had the house, cars, the boat; the middle class dream. All of a sudden I started making some real bad choices.
By the time I was thirty I had experienced five failed marriages. I felt like I could do nothing right;
"I really wanted to call him and say, “I’m sorry for what I had done.” Months earlier if you’d asked me I wouldn’t have admitted to have done anything wrong."
He would tell us horror stories about Lucille Ball and Desi Arnez. He told how unhappy they were and how they would fight and throw expensive dishes in their world of chaos.
Then they gang raped me. I came close to dying that night.
I couldn’t find enough drugs to make me happy. I couldn’t find enough alcohol to make me happy. I couldn’t find enough women to make me happy. I had all the money I wanted. I just couldn’t find happiness.
I never went to church, so my parents never offered to wake me up. I woke up that morning with such a peace. Something had changed overnight. The feeling of loneliness was gone.
I thank God that he let me live those sixty-six years, as a sinner. I learned from those years of bad experiences, and now I can share with others what I’ve learned. I hope what I have to share will influence at least one p...
